Pre-schoolers are sponges, soaking up everything they see and hear and mimicking what they observe. Manners teach children respect and will help others respect them. Saying please and thank you shows appreciation, while displaying gratitude instead of entitlement will speak wonders about a child’s personality.
Unfortunately, pre-schoolers can be a bit bratty and have a bit of attitude. All is not lost. Now is the best time to knock that chip off their shoulder, before it gets ingrained.
The motivations for teaching manners to pre-schoolers are twofold. First, manners help children understand how their actions affect others, and how actions have consequences. This understanding of cause and effect is an essential part of development, as it helps children learn how to interact with the world in a respectful and responsible way.
Second, expressing gratitude through politeness and courtesy helps children to feel better about themselves and to recognize that other people are going out of their way for them. This is beneficial for children’s mental and emotional development, as it teaches them to be thankful and appreciative of what they have, as well as to empathize with others. Through teaching our pre-schoolers manners, we are helping them to become well-rounded, responsible individuals.
Let’s take a deep dive:
Factors to consider when teaching manners to pre-schoolers
Age
The importance of considering the age of a child when teaching manners cannot be overstated. As children grow, their language and cognitive capabilities develop, and so do their ability to learn respectful behavior. For toddlers, teaching manners can be more about developing foundational skills like eye contact, greeting people, and saying a simple please and thank you. Pre-schoolers, on the other hand, should be able to also introduce themselves, and engage in simple polite conversation. 
Consistency
Be consistent when teaching manners to pre-schoolers as they are just learning how to behave in social situations. Consistency gives children a sense of security and helps them understand that certain behaviors are expected of them. By setting clear guidelines, reminding them of the expectations, and providing consequences as needed, pre-schoolers can learn to use proper etiquette over time. At this stage, it is important to ensure that children understand why certain behaviors are expected of them. Explain to them why it is important to be polite and show respect to others, so they can learn the importance of good manners. Encourage them to use positive language and acknowledge them when they do. Be consistent and provide consequences when pre-schoolers do not follow the rules and expectations. This will show your child that you are serious about manners and that it is not acceptable to ignore good etiquette. Providing consistent reminders, as well as appropriate rewards when they exhibit good behavior, will help pre-schoolers become more aware of their actions and how they can affect others. Remember, consistency is key when teaching manners to pre-schoolers. With clear expectations and consistent reminders, pre-schoolers can learn to use proper etiquette as they grow up.
Best ways to teach your pre-schooler politeness
Here is a list of some of the best ways to teach your pre-schooler politeness. Maybe only a few will resonate with you. Read through them and try some of them out:
Role-play manners with puppets or dolls
Check it out on AmazonRole-playing proper manners with puppets or dolls can be an effective way to help teach pre-schoolers basic manners. Through pretend play, parents have the opportunity to create relevant scenarios for their child that demonstrate the appropriate behavior for different social situations. During these role-playing sessions, parents can provide positive reinforcement when the child shows off their newly learned manners. Furthermore, role-playing can give kids a safe environment to try out these behaviors, helping them to gain confidence in their abilities. This is particularly helpful if a child is entering a new environment, such as starting school. Role-playing can also be used to practice scenarios such as how to be polite while opening presents or how to ensure that all guests at a birthday party feel included. By providing examples and feedback during role-playing, parents can help their child understand the importance of being polite and respectful.
Teach your child the magic word
Teaching your child the magic word “please” is important for them to learn good manners. Start by modeling polite behavior yourself. Throughout the day, say “please” and “thank you” to those around you and your children. Be sure to encourage your children to use the words too, whenever they request something. Remind them to use the word “please” when asking for something, rather than expecting it to be given. Everyone feels good when they are thanked, even for small things, so make sure that they know they need to thank others as well. Remind them to use the words “please” and “thank you” consistently. With enough practice and repetition, your child will learn to use the magic words without being prompted.
Praise good manners
Praising good manners can help teach a pre-schooler basic manners by positively reinforcing the desired behaviors. As children want to please their parents, the more positive attention they get for using their manners, the more likely they are to become ingrained. Praising your child for using appropriate manners, such as saying please and thank you, displaying gratitude instead of entitlement, and introducing people without prompting, will help them to understand the importance of good manners.
Model good manners
Modeling good manners for your pre-schooler can be a powerful way to help them learn basic manners. Teaching by example is one of the best ways to help children learn and understand the importance of politeness and consideration towards others. By showing your pre-schooler how you treat others with respect, they will be more likely to replicate and mimic those behaviors. This in turn helps children develop the social skills they need to interact with peers and adults in a positive way.
Start a behavior chart
Check it out on AmazonA behavior chart can be a great way to help teach basic manners to a pre-schooler. By having a visual representation of their expectations, children can better understand the consequences of their behavior. By doing this, they will also be able to identify what is expected of them and will be more likely to act accordingly. For example, if a pre-schooler is expected to greet people when they enter a room, they can be given a sticker or other reward each time they do this. This will help them become more aware of the need to show respect and politeness and will also reinforce the idea that performing these actions will be rewarded. No matter what the reward is, make sure that the reward is age-appropriate and reinforces the positive behavior you want to see. Similarly, if a child does something that is not appropriate, such as grabbing an extra cookie without permission, they can be reminded of the expectations and their behavior can be corrected in a positive manner. Using a behavior chart can be a great way to teach basic manners to a pre-schooler. It can be used to reinforce good behavior, provide visual reinforcement for expectations, and can be used as a tool for correcting inappropriate behavior. Through consistency, patience, and positive reinforcement, pre-schoolers can learn the manners that will help them to become responsible members of society.
Have your child practice manners in different situations
How can parents have their child practice manners in different situations? Here are some ideas to start you off:
- Give your child plenty of opportunities to practice these social skills, such as through role-playing. Create different scenarios and switch off on the roles you each play.
- For example, in anticipation of your child’s birthday party, you could role-play how to use manners while opening presents. Remind them to thank each child and to show enthusiasm and appreciation for each gift, even if it’s one they don’t really love.
- Play the “What would you do if…” game to practice other situations. For example, what will they do if two kids give them the same gift or if one child is feeling left out? Then, provide feedback and help your child explore how to behave politely and respectfully in these various scenarios.
- Teach your child to say “hello” and “goodbye,” remind them to say “please” when asking for something, make sure they know the importance of “thank you,” encourage them to sit still and avoid mess when eating, help them learn how to make eye contact in conversation, and instruct them not to interrupt people in conversation.
Create a manners game
Check it out on AmazonCreating a manners game can help teach pre-schoolers basic manners in an engaging and fun way. By role-playing scenarios that involve proper manners, such as opening presents at a birthday party, children can learn the appropriate ways to demonstrate politeness and respect. Games such as “What would you do if…” can also help pre-schoolers practice their social skills in a safe environment. Playing a game like Blunders can help children learn about manners and social skills in a way that is both entertaining and educational. Through these activities, pre-schoolers can learn the basics of good manners and develop the social skills necessary for successful interactions with their peers.
Read books about politeness
Check it out on AmazonReading books about politeness can be a great way to teach pre-schoolers about the importance of being polite. These books can introduce children to different scenarios and social interactions where politeness is expected, such as saying “please” and “thank you,” greeting others, and showing respect for others’ personal space. By reading these stories, children can learn about the positive impact that being polite can have on their relationships with others. Reading books can also help pre-schoolers develop their language and communication skills, as they learn new vocabulary and practice using polite phrases in context. It’s a fun and effective way to teach young children about the importance of good manners and respectful behavior.
Avoid Overreacting
Children may experiment with different behaviors to see what reactions they get, so it’s important to avoid overreacting when your preschooler misbehaves. If they hit you or call you a name, try to stay calm and explain why the behavior is not acceptable. Responding in a gentle, patient manner will help your child understand that politeness is expected in all situations.
How should I react when my preschooler displays impolite behavior?
Step 1: Remain calm and don’t overreact. Children are not trying to be intentionally disrespectful, and they may be experimenting to see what reaction they get. Get face to face with your child and say quietly but firmly, “We don’t hit or talk that way in this family.” Step 2: Validate your child’s feelings. Show respect by acknowledging how the child feels, such as “I know it’s disappointing that the blue bowl is dirty this morning.” Step 3: Teach polite responses. Help your child understand that it’s important to be polite by saying “please” and “thank you” regularly. Explain that you’d rather help him when he’s polite to you, and that you don’t like it when he orders you around. Step 4: Set limits. Be kind but firm in your discipline. If your child’s behavior persists, kindly but firmly take him aside for ‘time-out’.
Long-term benefits of teaching politeness to a preschooler
Teaching politeness to a preschooler has many long-term benefits for their development, social interactions, and confidence. With good manners, children become more socially attentive, learn to show respect for people around them, understand the importance of being polite and considerate, know how to interact with others, and feel more comfortable in different social situations. With these skills, preschoolers can build positive relationships, develop positive self-esteem, practice self-control and impulse management, and learn to understand their emotions and the emotions of others.
