June 2020 Challenge: Reframing my unhelpful thoughts

Last month, I challenged myself to performing a sensual moisturizing massage after my daily showers. While it has now become a nice routine, it made me realize that if we want to live a sensual life, before we even take any physical action and change our external environment, we need to work on our internal environment first. Read about my May challenge round-up.

I say this because on the days when I was stressed or distracted, no amount of massaging helped relax me for any significant period of time. My mind was stronger than my actions.

So for this month’s challenge, I am focusing on working on my mind instead. Will you join me?

What is the challenge for the month of June?

To reframe my unhelpful thoughts regularly

Why did I choose this challenge?

Firstly, what is reframing? It is exactly like putting a new frame on an old photograph. In essence, it means seeing something in a new way.

I have so many unhelpful thoughts daily. Some people might call them negative thoughts but I don’t like to use the words ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ because it implies that something ‘shouldn’t be’ or is ‘bad’. Rather, I would like to think of my thoughts and actions as ‘helpful’ or ‘unhelpful’.

When I start having these thoughts, I get caught up in them and it can be like being on a hamster wheel. I don’t realize after a while that all I am doing is reacting and thinking that things are worse than they seem.

Those times when I am more self-aware and in control of my thoughts, I notice myself being unhappy because of my way of thinking.

Then I think ‘Can I look at this situation in a different way?’

And of course, there is a different way to look at the situation. There are usually several different ways, some helpful, some not as helpful. When I choose to look at a situation from a more helpful perspective, it puts me in a better frame of mind and actually motivates me to take action to do something about it.

What is the plan?

Every time I find myself starting to spiral downwards due to my unhelpful self-talk or thoughts about a situation, I will stop myself and think of other more helpful ways I can look at the situation.

It will be hard at first. It is when I am most stressed and tired that I start thinking all sorts of unhelpful thoughts. But I am hoping with consistent practice over the next month, I will be able to at least train my mind to catch myself most of the time and reframe my thoughts.

How long will this challenge take on a daily basis?

I expect it will probably take a few minutes of ‘stopping and analyzing’ each time I catch myself.

How will this sensual habit benefit me and other moms?

Many moms have felt demotivated and overwhelmed at various stages of their motherhood. Childcare is challenging and tiring. Most of you would have had more than a few unhelpful thoughts throughout this time. In fact, I bet you have a few unhelpful thoughts a day sometimes.

Wouldn’t it be great to learn and practice the skill of reframing? If done consistently, it will change your life for the better.

What can you do differently in your challenge?

Some people might want to write down their unhelpful thoughts when it pops up and leave them for later in the evening when you have some peace and quiet to process them. I am generally not a fan of this as more often than not, you will forget or it wouldn’t be bothering you anymore so you will put off reframing it, giving the unhelpful thought a gateway to resurface another day.

Sometimes it’s not the current situation that is playing an ongoing unhelpful movie reel in your mind. Sometimes what is bothering you can be an event or experience that happened some time ago that you can’t let go off and is affecting your life now.

You can’t change the past, but you can definitely change your perspective of the experience. Write it down and ask yourself these questions:

  • How did the experience affect me?
  • What did I learn from it?
  • What did I lose and what did I gain from the experience?
  • How can I think of it in a more helpful way?

Regardless of how you want to do it, make a challenge plan and be ready to start with me on the 1st of June!

I will write a mid-way update in 2 weeks but will be updating regularly on the my Facebook page and the Sensual Mom Tribe facebook group as well, together with others who are joining me. If you are not a member yet, subscribe to my newsletter to receive a personal invitation link. See you there!

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