Children are often going through various emotional changes and challenges. As a parent, it is essential to be there for your child and show empathy. Empathy involves being able to understand and share the feelings of another person. When you are empathizing with your child, you are validating their feelings and letting them know that you understand what they are going through. This can be a very powerful support for children.
Parenting can be difficult, and sometimes our children do things that we don’t understand. It’s important to remember that our children are individuals with their own thoughts and feelings. If we want to be supportive, we need to try to see things from their perspective and show empathy. Only then can we truly help them.
Let’s take a deep dive:
What is empathy?
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It is a fundamental human quality that helps us build relationships, resolve conflicts, and feel connected to others. While empathy is often thought of as a trait that we are born with, it is actually something that is learned and cultivated.
What are the benefits of showing empathy to your child?
When a parent shows empathy, it helps the child feel understood and supported. This can lead to the child feeling more secure and confident, which can in turn help them to better navigate through life’s challenges. Empathy can also help to strengthen the parent-child bond. By empathizing with your child, you are communicating to your child that you care about them and that they are valued members of the family. When children know that their parents understand and care about how they feel, they are more likely to want to cooperate. Children who feel more empathy from their parents are more likely to exhibit empathy themselves. When your child sees that you are there for them, no matter what, they learn that they are important and that their feelings matter. When a parent takes the time to listen to their child and really hears them, the child feels understood and this will help them in the future when they need to understand someone else. 
How can parents show empathy to children?
In our fast-paced, constantly-connected world, it’s more important than ever for us parents to show empathy to our children when they are in distress. Empathy allows us to understand what our children are feeling, which can help us better respond to their needs. There are a number of ways that parents can show empathy to their children:
Treat your child how they want to be treated
This is slightly different to treating them the way you want to be treated, although you may both want the same treatment. When you show empathy to your child, you are trying to see the world from their perspective and understand their feelings.
- Try to put yourself in your child’s shoes. This means trying to understand what they are feeling and why. It can be helpful to think back to a time when you felt the same way.
- Listen to your child and let them know that you hear them. This means giving them your full attention and not interrupting. Let them know that you understand how they feel.
- Ask questions to clarify what your child is saying. This will help you to understand their perspective better.
- Reflect back what your child has said to you. This shows that you have been listening and that you understand.
- Avoid giving advice or telling your child what they should do. This can come across as condescending and can make your child feel like you don’t understand their situation.
- Avoid judging your child’s feelings. This can make the child feel like you are not on their side.
- Be patient with your child. This is a difficult time for them and they may not be able to express themselves well.
Don’t just assume. Ask.
When your child is acting out, the first step is to ask them what is wrong in a gentle, non-judgmental way. This allows your child to open up and share what is bothering them. If you think your child is feeling left out or sad, avoid making assumptions. This can lead to you making inaccurate assumptions about how the child is feeling. Instead, ask them directly how they’re feeling. This will help the child feel heard and understood, and it will also give you more information about how to best support them.
Label the emotion
Label your child’s emotions and then acknowledge them. For example, you might say to your crying child, “I can see that you’re feeling sad.” This helps your child to feel understood and can often lead to them feeling better. If you’re not sure what your child is feeling, you can make a cautious guess. This involves taking a guess at what your child is feeling, and then checking in to see if you’re on the right track. For example, you might say to your child, “You look like you’re feeling really angry right now. Is that right?”
Ask open-ended questions
Asking questions is a great way to show empathy to a child. By asking open-ended questions, you can encourage the child to share their thoughts and feelings with you. This will help you to understand their perspective and respond in a way that is supportive.
Actively listen
Active listening is a technique that is used to encourage communication and understanding. It is a way of showing that you are interested in what your child is saying and that you understand them. When you are actively listening, you should:
- Pay attention to your child
- Make eye contact
- Avoid interrupting
- Show that you are listening with your body language. Make eye contact and maintain an open body posture.
- Repeat back what you have heard to ensure understanding
Active listening is an important skill to practice when talking to children, as it can help to build trust and rapport. It can also be helpful in difficult conversations, as it can help to diffuse strong emotions. 
Reflect back or paraphrase
When parents reflect back what their child says, it demonstrates to the child that they are being heard and understood. It is a way to validate their feelings and help them feel seen. This can be done by repeating back what they said, in your own words, or by paraphrasing. It is important to use reflective listening techniques with your child so that they feel heard, validated, and understood.
Set aside frustrations and judgment
It’s important to avoid passing judgement on your child’s feelings or experiences. This could make them feel like they have to defend themselves or that their feelings are wrong. Before you can truly empathize with your toddler, it’s important to set aside your own frustrations and judgment. Otherwise, you’ll be too wrapped up in your own feelings to really understand your crying child’s perspective. It is important to avoid judging the child or their situation. This can only make the child feel worse and can hinder their ability to open up and share their feelings.Try to take a step back and see the situation from their point of view.
Validate your child’s feelings
It is important to let the child know that their feelings are valid, even if you don’t agree with them. This can help the child feel heard and understood. Let your child know that it is okay to feel the way they do and that you understand how they feel.
Give your child choices
When a child is feeling upset, it can be helpful to give them choices. This can help the child to feel more in control of their situation and can make them feel more empowered.
Use “I” statements
“I” statements are statements that express your own feelings and thoughts. For example, “I feel frustrated when I can’t understand what you’re trying to say.” This type of statement helps the child feel understood and not alone in their feelings.
Don’t jump into fix-it mode
When your child comes to you with a problem, it can be tempting to try to fix it immediately. But resist the urge. What your child really needs in that moment is for you to listen and show them that you understand how they’re feeling. So instead of jumping into fix-it mode, take a deep breath and try one of these empathic responses: “That sounds really tough.” “I can see how that would be really confusing.” “That makes a lot of sense that you would feel angry/sad/frustrated.” In many cases, simply listening to your child and acknowledging their feelings is all they need. If they do want advice, be sure to assess if they are open to hearing it.
Thank your child for sharing
In order to raise a well-rounded and emotionally stable child, it is important to encourage them to share their feelings. As a parent, this can be difficult to do, but it is so important. When your child opens up to you about how they’re feeling, be sure to thank them for sharing. This will let them know that you are open to hearing about their feelings and that you appreciate their trust in you.
Offer comfort
Once your child has shared their feelings, it is important to offer comfort and support. This can be done through physical touch, kind words, or simply by being present. Try to provide physical and emotional support to your child when they’re upset. This could involve things like giving them a hug, sitting with them, or offering words of encouragement. 
Respect their privacy
If your child wants to talk about something private, be sure to respect their wishes and keep whatever they tell you between the two of you. Even a child as young as 3 years old can understand when you’re talking about her to someone else.
Take a time-out
It’s not always easy to keep your cool when you’re dealing with a challenging situation, but it’s important to try. If you need a break, take a few deep breaths or step away from the situation for a few minutes. This will help you avoid saying something you’ll regret later.
Set healthy boundaries
It is important to set boundaries with the child, especially if they are acting out in a harmful or destructive way. This can help to keep both the child and those around them safe.
Model empathy
One of the best ways to teach empathy is to model it yourself. When you show empathy to others, your child will see this and may be more likely to do the same.
Check in with them later
Once the initial situation has passed, check in with your child to see how they’re doing and if there’s anything else they want to talk about.
What are some things to consider when showing empathy to children?
When showing empathy to your children, it is important to:
- Understand that children are still developing and may not have the same perspective as adults
- be patient and take the time to listen to what your child is saying
- be careful not to make assumptions about what your child is feeling
- be aware of your own body language and tone of voice
- be genuine in your response
- offer support and encouragement
- avoid passing judgment
- respect your child’s privacy.
- How can you tell if a child is feeling empathy?
Why every parent needs to show empathy
While empathy is something that we’re born with, it’s also something that we can learn and develop over time. As parents and educators, we have a unique opportunity to foster empathy in children. When children feel empathy from their parents, they feel valued and understood. Empathy is a critical part of healthy child development, and it’s something that every parent should strive to show to their child.
To wrap up
Showing empathy to your child can go a long way. It can help them feel understood and supported, which can in turn help them feel capable and confident. When we take the time to see things from our child’s perspective, it shows them that we care about their feelings and experiences. This can make a big difference in their overall well-being and development.
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