How to decline a request politely: 8 scripts for saying no

I had a nice catch up with an old friend and colleague the other day and at the end of the conversation, he asked if I could give a talk on his behalf as a favor. I took a deep breath and blurted out: “I’ll have to say no to that Ben” Then I went on to blabber about how I was prioritizing self-care and family. He was understandably disappointed and the conversation ended awkwardly.

Horrors! But I walked to my car after that with a light step. It felt so good to ‘just say no’. I felt empowered and in control! I said yes to way too many things that I really didn’t want to do. And it was all eating into time and energy that I didn’t have. And that goes against unbusy work. I just needed to figure out how to say no better next time. This led me down the rabbit hole of ‘how to say no politely’ scripts. I am determined to say no so well that people thank me for it!

Why is it important to say no politely?

Why can’t you just say no? Because the world doesn’t work that way. You won’t have many friends left if you bluntly decline requests with no regard for the other person. Declining a request politely shows that you’re considerate of the other person’s feelings. This can help maintain relationships at work or in personal situations. Remember that the person you’re declining the request for is a human being who may feel upset or disappointed. Maintaining a professional approach will demonstrate that you respect them and their feelings. Being polite and not burning bridges will leave the door open for future interactions because the other person won’t feel as though it was a waste of time to get in touch or lose trust in you. You never know when you’ll need to ask a favor in return. So let’s get to it:

8 scripts for declining a request politely

Here are some examples that you can tweak to suit your personal situation. They are all using the shit-sandwich method. Because I truly belief that it works. And it’s easy to remember when you’re in the spotlight.

Script 1 – turf it off to someone else

Thank you for thinking of me. I would love to but I can’t. I already have my hands full with ferrying my kids around on the weekend. Have you asked Geoff? He mentioned that he would like to get involved in a project the other day. I’m flattered you thought of asking me first.

Script 2 – if you may want to reconsider in the future

Wow, thank you for the offer. I wish I could make it work. I’m sorry but I can’t fit this in right now. Maybe sometime in the future. Why don’t we make another appointment for a few months from now. We’ll take another look at it then.

Script 3 – casual rejection

Man, that sounds awesome! I would’ve loved to but I’ve already made plans for this weekend that I can’t cancel. Thank you for thinking of me. Have fun.

Script 4 – when speaking to a boss/ superior

I’m honored you asked me but I don’t think I’m the right person for the job. My skill set is in marketing and launching new products. It’s what I do best. This job needs someone with human resource skills. I highly recommend Stuart. He’s my go-to person whenever I need some advice on how to handle difficult colleagues. Thank you again for giving me first opportunity.

Script  5 – to decline an invitation

That sounds lovely! I appreciate the invitation but I am completely booked this weekend. Maybe another time. Let me know when you’re organizing another gathering. Hope it goes well!

Script 6 – a formal rejection

You’re so kind to think of me. Regrettably, I’m not able to. My schedule is full for the next few months. I would be happy to reconsider some time in the future if my circumstances change. I wish you all the best with the project.

Script 7 – offer to help in another way

Thank you for involving me in this. I’m sorry, I won’t be able to attend the meeting. But if you e-mail me your ideas, I’ll have a quick look at it and give you my two cents. Speak soon.

Script 8 – the ultimate cut-off

Thank you for the offer, but I’m not interested. How can you decline a request politely? You can mix and match the scripts to suit your individual personality and circumstance. But if you want to know more (give a man a fish and he eats for the day, teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime), this is a systematic way to think about a request or invitation everytime you receive one. It sounds complicated but everything happens almost simultaneously and the whole conversation can be over within a couple of minutes.

Step 1: Understand the request

If you are declining a request, you must first understand it. This makes it easier to explain why you’re not the best person for it and gives you an opportunity to brainstorm alternative solutions.

Step 2: Consider the person making the request

It’s always a nice feeling to be thought of, so start by thanking the person for thinking of you. I like to use the ‘shit sandwich’ method: Thank them at the beginning, say no, then thank them again and wish them all the best.

Step 3: Decide if you can or want to do it

When you receive a request, the first step is obviously to assess it. Consider what is being asked of you and whether or not you can actually do it. If you’re not sure, it’s OK to ask for clarification. Once you’ve made your decision, you can either accept or decline the request.

Step 4: Choose your words carefully

When you need to decline a request, it is important to choose your words carefully. You want to be polite and avoid sounding negative. For example, you could say “I’m sorry, but I can’t fit this in right now.” or “Unfortunately I am not able to take on any new projects at the moment.”

Step 5: Offer an explanation

You don’t have to, but if you can give a brief explanation of why you can’t accept the request, it helps both of you feel less awkward about the situation. Be as specific as possible so the person understands that it’s not personal, you’re just unable to do what they’ve asked.

Step 6: Suggest an alternative

Try to find an alternative course of action. Suggesting alternative solutions is a good way to appease the other person while not getting pulled into it yourself. Just putting a few ideas forward shows that you’re trying to help and can cushion the blow of rejection.

Step 7: Thank the person for their request. Again.

There is no need to be rude or argumentative. Leave them with a positive message. This will leave the door open for future opportunities.

Why do you need to say no?

Saying no is important for a number of reasons. First, it allows you to control your own work schedule and priorities. Second, it helps you focus on what is important and avoid taking on too much work. Third, it can help you avoid burnout and keep your energy for more important things. All very important, and vital to you achieving your dream life. Further reading: Why does thinking too hard make you tired?